Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
