Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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