Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
