i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
