Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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