did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
