And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
