Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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