So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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