hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
