I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
