birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
