I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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