You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
