I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
