My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
