were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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