Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
