i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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