good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
