My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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