Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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