exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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