the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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