he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
