Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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