The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
