Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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