Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
