I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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