my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
