I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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