the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
