she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
