too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
