She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
