There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
