Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
