Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
