Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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