i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What a dumb baby whore.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
