You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
