i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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