I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
