I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
