Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
