i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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