I skipped work to stalk him.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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