so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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