Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
