At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
