Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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