We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
