the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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