I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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