im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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