i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the day after is always just damage control
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
